


Nothing Made Me

by Torchwhomolly



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Bullying, Drug Use, M/M, Minor Character's Death, Teenlock, Unilock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:33:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5700166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torchwhomolly/pseuds/Torchwhomolly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>" Who did this to you ? Who fucked you up so bad, emotionally and mentally that you've completely shut down anyone who tries to help you ? You don't talk about your feelings, you push kind people away, and you let negative one enter your head. You refuse to open up, let someone love you or even care for you as you don't let yourself love anyone. Who fucking did that to you ?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Made Me

**Author's Note:**

> This work has been inspired by John And Sherlock's conversation in The Abominable Bride. Yeah the one on Sherlock's impulses ;) 
> 
> No major spoilers though, only 2 quotes.

" Ah.. Sherlock here you are, I had hoped you'd have been here " John Said walking in the kitchen in 221B Baker Street, finding Sherlock looking in his microscope, his usual kind of experiments laying all over the place.

  
"And where else would I have been ? I'm not the one who moved out" Sherlock said with a clinical cold voice, not looking up.

John's lips twisted in that small faked smile he wore whenever Sherlock deduced something unpleasant about him, or called him an idiot. Silence stretched between them. Finally Sherlock looked up, rolling his eyes, annoyed at John's fidgeting, and smiled at him. But John knew better, he knew that smile, he was the one who had taught him that fucking smile ! The 'it probably look like I'm pleased to see you or to hear what you're saying because I have to be polite but I'm actually bored out of my mind do shut up quickly' smile.

"What did you want ?" Sherlock asked while John was internally fuming.

  
" Just... Came here to.. Er.. To thank you for what you've done for me, for us, at the wedding, you left rather quickly." John said, rather embarrassed.

  
"I did what was expected from me as a best man didn't I ? There is no need to be thanking be"

  
"Yeah but I know it's not really your thing"

  
"What isn't my thing ?" Asked Sherlock, frowning.

  
"Well you know, socialising.."

  
"Sentiment ?"

  
"Yeah sentiment" John chuckled. And Sherlock lips curled up in a small smile.

"Did You enjoy the party, at least ? as you told Jannine you liked to dance..." John asked after a small silence.

  
"Oh so this is what it is about ?" Sherlock rolled his eyes, getting up to go sit in his black leather chair.

  
"What ?"

  
"Don't play dumb John, even you are not that stupid."

  
"Thanks" John sighed through gritted teeth, sitting in his own chair in front of Sherlock.

  
"You want to know about Jannine." Sherlock stated.

  
"Well you spend some time with her and she seems.. Nice"

  
Sherlock rolled his eyes " Yes, even if she's probably a compulsive buyer, has abnormally big feet for a woman of her height and the most boring job I could think of, I guess she could fill the conditions of your definition of a nice woman".

  
"Well there was always that blond bridesmaid, Christina ?" John suggested.

  
"John I hope you are not referring to that depressive one." Sherlock exclaimed his indignation.

  
"She's not depressive Sherlock."

  
"Please John she's even more desperate to find 'her soul mate' than you were before you met Mary" Sherlock pulled a face.

  
"I can't believe you" John sighed.

  
"What did you expect John ? That the prospect of seeing you get married would all of the sudden, induce in me an irrepressible desire to 'date' someone ? Please John you know me better than that, I'm not up for such foolishness, this is more your area then mine"  
John shook his head in response.

"What made you like this ?" He asked, his voice tight with an emotion he couldn't quite define, anger ? Frustration ? Confusion ?  

  
"What do you mean ?" Sherlock frowned.

" Who did this to you ? Who fucked you up so bad, emotionally and mentally that you've completely shut down anyone who tries to help you ? You don't talk about your feelings, you push kind people away, and you let negative one enter your head. You refuse to open up, let someone love you or even care for you as you don't let yourself love anyone. Who fucking did that to you ?" John snapped, letting all his emotions from the past weeks,the past months, the past years even take over his mouth. Letting his deepest thoughts out without thinking.

Sherlock faced harden but his eyes seemed to get lost in place. John new that look, that damn genius had gone wander in his mind palace again.

_Boys and girls at school, pointing fingers at you,running away from you, calling you a weirdo because you were smarter than them, just a bit different._

_High school, not much different, just heavier bullying._

_Mycroft leaving for Uni, leaving you alone. Unprotected._

_Redbeard. Your first OD, so much disappointment in your big brother's eyes._

_Uni, you thought it was finally over. But it was just the start. Sebastian Wilkes and his 'buddies', always finding new way to make your life a living hell._

_Victor Trevor, and here you thought you had someone who could understand you, love you. Just another trick._

_ODs after ODs, Mycroft disappointment growing as he always found lying among over junkies. Just another desperate Addict._

_Carl Powers. Dead. The only true friend you've ever had, left you behind. And they wouldn't even let you solve his murder. Because it was a murder you knew it, it was so obvious._

_After that, blurry memories that all looked the same to you, drug dens, dirty streets at night. Until Mycroft took you to rehab. Pain an humiliation for months._

_Meeting Lestrade and his team, you're just the genius monkey, the freak._

_**John**._

_Alone is what you have, alone protects you.  
Caring isn't an advantage, you should know it by now, they all leave you in the end._

 

 

"Nothing made me John" Sherlock said with a bitter laugh. "I made me."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fist attempt at writing Sherlock and John or even a bit of Johnlock ( I know it's hard to see but you must observe !).  
> I, however, hope you liked it. Please let me know what you thought about it.


End file.
